The World this Week

Happening week this one was (or not)

Lemme see what i can remember:

Watched 3 new movies the past week

I really liked Terminator Salvation, which i completely did not expect to do. And might i just add that Sam Worthington aka Marcus Wright is really really really good looking. Lil Sis and me both agreed, for once.

The movie, although a lot of it was predictable, it was still good - despite Christian Bale's weird deep throat voice. It kinda maybe worked in Batman, (seeing as he was Batman and all) but doesn't work in every movie. Really. It doesn't.

Also watched the new Star Trek. I'm not sure if was supposed to be as funny as i found it. Eric Bana - good. The rest - just funny. I guess i expected more from it.

Angels and Demons - Whoever it was who decided to redo Tom Hanks hairstyle - Thank you!!!

I actually enjoyed this movie- and not having to see the ridiculous hairstyle he sported in the Da Vinci code made it a whole lot easier.

Ewan McGregor had a accent i can really get used to. Although, if he's been at the Vatican so long, you'd think the accent would go away a bit no?

I read the book ages ago, and couldnt remember how it ended. Think i'll read it again, i only remember that i liked it then.

I'm finally done with Charles and Keith shoes - and the straw that broke this camels back came when i bloody slipped and fell because the damn slippers had no purchase even on rough ground.

And then to give a good start to the week to come, i woke up yesterday morning and thought it was Sunday and was really really pissed off that my alarm rang. Had to stare at the damn phone for a whole minute to make sure it really did say Monday and wasn't playing games on me.

Not good. Not good at all.

Then my pao friend RR (this would make sense if you were Goan, but we'll save that for another wasted & mindless posting) added his two bit of Monday morning wisdom and in his strange but not-at-all fascinating me also gave me what he calls a compliment:

RR: You're perfectly demented in the right amounts already

There are right and wrong amounts, you ask? well, i did ask too, unfortunately.

RR: yeah - Wrong amounts are when women nag. Right amounts is when we can have a conversation about how screwed up it is to name your child Sheldon*

So there!! I am now officially demented in the right amounts.

And to complete this lovely posting, i'll just say how might happy i am go now get back to work and my 327 EMAILS MORE TO GO...Its a real pain when you let the work pile up and then do a count on the number of email you still have to read. Steven, if you're reading this posting, i DO NOT want to hear how you are on holiday for the next 2 weeks while I'm here counting down the end of days.

* I'm not entirely sure about the wisdom of sharing this, but it has something to do with the fact that Sheldon is not a good sex name to have. Umm, no, you don't really want to know. Maybe another day i'll share why screaming 'Ride me Sheldon' qualifies as a comedy show and a turn off and almost any other name would sound better. To all the Sheldons i know, really Sorry. No offense

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Storm in a Teacup: The story of the spineless Biscuits that hit rock bottom

One hour and twenty three minutes of the workday today were spent trying to accomplish a task called 'having breakfast' where i unsuccessfully tried to dip a biscuit in my cup of tea and put it into my mouth before the biscuit could succumb to the heat from the tea and soften and promptly fall into the tea cup.
Having spent atleast 20 years of my existence doing this task on a regular basis fairly easily, i find myself ashamed that from the 7 biscuits i attempted to eat, only 2 were managed the way they're supposed to be and the rest went to meet the tea leaves at the bottom of the swirling cup of tea.

I had more biscuit that tea in the tea cup.

And that will be always what can only be described as a faint mockery of a society that allows the existence of biscuits that cannot hold their own against hot tea.

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2009 - The year of nothingness

Oh Wow.. its been long

Today is the first day i've actually been working in 2009..so it made sense to get back to the blog today

In the meantime...

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Run, Run for your lives!!!

We had a fire drill in the office this week. My first one in Singapore, and I have to say if this is the way people react to the fire drill, then a lot of people will die when it actually happens.

For one, it took me 15 mins to get down from the 10th floor - No, not because I am slow, but because the people ahead of me were moving like retarded snails. And i can guarantee you that if it wasn't a drill and a real one, they would move at exactly the same pace

The thought did cross my mind of just kicking everyone out of the way or atleast muttering to myself hoping everyone around would notice my displeasure and change completely.

The fact that these thoughts have been blitzkrieging in my mind before you can say whaa seems like a ray of sunshine. Atleast now I know Singapore has not deadened all of my braincells and some of them are active enough to realise how fucked we all are gonna be when pansy boys who never played sports and too thin girls on high heels are in front of you in the race of get out of a burning building *

Not surprisingly, the only thing I bought down with me was my phone and smokes, and so did most people I know. I'm sure if there was a real fire, we'd do the same too, which should say something a out how much little we get paid out here and other profound things
The fire drill also reminds me of the other time I was at work and had to walk down bout 13 floors - there was an earthquake in India and there were some tremors in Bombay. Being the high-rent fragile building that we worked in, it did sway a lil ** and at the time I thought it was just the hangover. Then people realised that it was a tremor and general confusion took over on whether we should run, run for our lives or just continue working.

The fire alarm didn’t go off - partly the reason for the confusion.

Human Resources who are supposed to make the emergency announcements in such cases, had all evacuated faster than Hiro Nakamura took to blink his eyelids and reach the Neanderthal age.
Obviously the rest of the departments were useless and replaceable other than for Human Resources and hence the exodus. They were down 15 floors before the rest of us slow trusting folks even knew it was an earthquake ***


* If I'm not mistaken there's even a group on facebook called "I Secretly Want To Punch Slow Walking People In The Back Of The Head" and if I remember correctly, which of course I do, I did join that group.
** eyewitness accounts say it swayed a lot, but you usually shouldn’t believe eyewitness accounts in India
***although they claimed they needed to be down to do a people count and ensure everyone was out of the building and accounted for. The fact that they didn’t inform anyone else didn’t seem to matter.

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When Technology bites you in the arse...read to it

What a crappy weeks its been so far. Or should I say crappy two days.

I had to carry the world's heaviest pc from home to the office yesterday. Yes, they don’t give out laptops for home use where I work, they give you a desktop, and if you're nitpicky like me and want one that actually works, then you need to bring it in to get it replaced. I realise now that I'm not strong like superman, cause my hands and, well, all of me has been aching like hell after that. I had to hold the cig with two hands yesterday so it could make it all the way to my lips - that’s how bad it was.

And then, if that Monday morning fun wasn’t enough, my pc at work crashed in the afternoon- meaning I have to wait for the worlds best IT team to now take the one week they require to retrieve all my data while I work on the 1960's model they've provided me for now.

And then this morning, my phone decided it didn’t want to display any information any more. I can take calls, but that’s pretty much it cause I can't see jack of what I'm doing with the blessed thing. If Nokia charge me a bomb to repair it, i'm just gonna get a new phone. Oh, wait. Cannot afford a new phone till the 24th - in the last 21 days, i've spent as much money as i usually spend in 3+ months.

Since they're not giving me any interesting work or a working computer to use, and i can't while away the time making phone calls to people who are similarly useless, I've decided I'm going to do the only thing I can. Read my novels at work.
Right now I'm on page 65 of Eat, Pray, Love and by the end of the week, it should be over. (well, I cant just keep reading all the time, a girls gotta pretend to work as well)

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How to Stay Away From Work - Sick Leave Reasons you can send your manager before falling back into bed!!!

These are what I call the '8 am fantastic excuses for not coming to work' sms reasons I've received from people who work with me. Its actually quite a big list, but these ones below are the gems from the lot that i've still saved on my phone

• "I stay in bed today. I feel e room spinning. Will come to office day after tomorrow" (How do you know in advance that it will take 2 days for the room to stop spinning. I did wonder, but i didn't ask)
• "Good Morning, Yesterday at midnight I fainted and fell in e toilet. Got 50cents bump on my forehead. Feeling nausea and room spinning at times. Doc said I should rest. So I am resting"
• "My doctor said I have a salt imbalance in my body and I should not go to the office"
• "Last night I went home, and I was walking in my house and I banged my toes against the cupboard. I rest today and come to work tomorrow"

While reading these, it is also nice to note that in Singapore (atleast in my workplace) you need a Medical Certificate for all sick leave that you take. Even if it is for one day. And I've always received a certificate the next day from my sickly bunch

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The One Year Anniversary

It has been one year that I've been in Singapore. And I never thought I'd say this but time does fly by and Thank God for that.
I realised it last night and told the Boyfriend during my atleast-thrice-a-day long distance call to India.


Me: So you know its been a year I've been in Singapore

Boyfriend: Oh yes, 22nd October. It has been a year.

Me: you're supposed to say something about it

Boyfriend: Well, lets see. In the one year you've been away, you've come back home visiting 3 times. So its not like its some big achievement you've spent a year away. When I was in Dubai, there was a time I didn’t come home for 16 months, and then after that I didn’t come home for 2 and a half years.

Me: What does that have to do with any of this? You're supposed to say 'congratulations' or 'its been a year you've been away from me, I miss you' or some rubbish like that.

Boyfriend: Oh. Ok. Hmmm



Well, other than that lovely conversation that put a lotta things in perspective (not!), these are my other accomplishments for the year gone by. Since so much of my time is spent at work, I thought I'd start with work related accomplishments first. (I know. You were expecting me to say sleeping. But Sleep comes in at no. 2. No way I sleep enough for a growing healthy human being)

Work related accomplishments:

• Yesterday, while at work, I finished the really long crossword in 20 mins. And then continued doing various other similarly names crosswords to while away the day.


• Successfully able to keep up with all activities on Facebook and responding to all the challenges on Text Twirl, scramble and all those other games.


• My collection of awards playing bingo on Facebook. (Yes, that IS how boring it gets.. I stoop to these levels to stay entertained)


• Have finished reading 3 novels in the confines of my small cubicle (if you can call it that). Am now on my fourth.


• Been on time at work 5 times in the last year. (Wow!!! 5 times)


• Ensured the my mobile service provider will definitely be in business for a while considering my phenomenally LARGE monthly mobile bills.


• Ability to go home during office hours for a short nap. If timed correctly, I usually pick up a subway go home and eat it while watching The Ellen show and then have a post-lunch nap. It usually is always timed correctly.


• Have bitched about the rains in Singapore atleast 3 times every week.


• Extraordinary ability to show I care about the goings on at the workplace.


• Most posts made on this blog have been made while at the office - So that is all the testimony you should require.


• Organised office trips to places like Thailand and Malaysia so that I can see those countries and not pay for the flight myself.


• But THE Main Accomplishment: Refined the ability to bullshit my way through all situations, ensure the whole lot loves me for my wisdom and the hard work I put in while at the same time still being able to do the crossword of the day.
  

Non-work related accomplishments

• Collection of shoes which I have spent more money on that I used to make in India. It also needs to be highlighted that once I move back to India, I might need a room only for my shoes.


• Same goes for the book collection. The 61 books you see in the pic are less than half of it. Most look like library books because I got them from a library sale. I see no shame in buying second hand books when they are for 2$ each. (and yes, that is an Arsenal banner above it)

• I will shamefully add my trips back to India in this list here. It takes money to travel - money I've been earning and spending away like there's no tomorrow.


• My Lovely collection of Whisky and Wine and other things divine. I really should take a pic.


• The renewed ability to sit for countless hours in front of the idiot box at home while all around me things lie waiting to be picked up and put in their right places.


• The constant reduction in brain cells - the ones that are dying away for lack of being used to do anything constructive. Other than make lists like these

Oh, and by the way, this post was also written at the workplace where I am otherwise employed to change other peoples' worlds and make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race...

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A day in the life of a wasted bum

11:13 a.m.:

- I came in at 9:15
- Its 11.13 now. I've been surfing the net since 9:23
- I changed things around on the blog as I had nothing else better to do
- My fingers are frozen. I cannot type. Its that cold in the office
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer does still play on TV. On AXN Beyond at 23.00 SIN time on weekdays. - In the last episode, Angel has just left her to go to LA.
- I'm waiting for lunch
- Pianoman is playing in my head
- My last google search was on the US presidential debate - for lack of things to do
- I'm thinking on mint chocolates
- Yes, i am still awake. I haven't dozed off to sleep yet DESPITE the lack of things to do

12:32 pm:

- Just smoked 3 cigarettes
- Discussed the lack of things to do at work and the need to find another job with Mala
- Arguing with self that this job will pay for new Bose speakers, new study to house all books and one room for all my shoes when i finally do decide to go back to India. So i need to stick around and work and save money
- Just won argument with self since, well, lets face it, I'm never gonna actually save any money. So i might as well leave now
- Its 12.35 - LUNCH TIME IS HERE !!!!

02.00pm

- Just back from a nice Indian Lunch
- Wondering what to do next - there's 3.5 hours to go
- Aaaah yes!!! Facebook!!!

02.14 pm:

- Realisation has just dawned upon me - many moons ago, I had prepared for this eventuality for complete worklessness. I have movies on my iPod - Transformers - here I come

02.39 pm

- Lateralus to the rescue. iPod movies will now be kept for a rainier day (God forbid such a day ever comes.. but it will. Probably tomorrow) Have a new site to explore now. I quite like these Black cab sessions
- Listening to music and drinking green tea now. I might as well get used to this.

02:45 - 05:00

5:00 pm:

- Finally doing some work now. Making a powerpoint presentation for the team however i think it may be a tad too fancy for their liking (i.e. they may not understand) I'm wondering if i should just stand there and talk to them and if needed draw stuff on chart-paper on the spot - that might make a better impact. But due to lack of better things, i will continue with the powerpoint for now. There's something to be said for coming down to the level of the masses so they may understand you.

- But hold on, i'm not giving the presentation. The perks of being a manager - DELEGATION !!!

5:30 pm:

- Yes!!! 5:30 is FINALLY here. I need a drink. Or two. Or more.

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The Office Productivity Index - Astrology is an exact Science

In light of the upcoming changes in the company organisation structure and the fact that, if at all it is even remotely conceivable, i am very soon going to be even more workless. (or as normal people would say, i'm going to have even less work to do) So i have decided to stop working from today onwards.
I mean, hey, its gonna take a while for me to adjust to the additional lack of work, so i'm just going to use this time now to slowly begin adjusting myself to this new lifestyle.
For those who i haven't grumbled about this to already - tis a bit like this

Life as it is now:
I come in to work at 9, and by 10 i have finished my work for the day. Between facebook, this blog, chatting with other folks who have nothing to do, making long distance phone calls on the company account, and surfing the net for random things, i spend the rest of the day (i.e. 10 am to 5.30pm) looking for work - new ideas, ways to make things better. There's only so much of talking and surfing you can do in a day. And that gets mind numbingly boring if you do it everyday. A girls gotta have something to do - even if it is actually working, and earning my keep, so to say

Life as it will be come mid Nov:
The astrologers have predicted that supposedly more responsibility will come my way. My translation of this awesome prediction is i'm going to have lesser work to do. While Lateralus has tried convincing me that "they'll give you more work" i have a theory on this as well (its a bit strange calling you that, by the way, you might want to consider changing it maybe? Denny Crane?)
Theory: The new "more " work is no work at all, atleast for me!!! Its what others can (and will) make a day out of and i'll still finish by 10 am. (Yes, I AM THAT GOOD AT IT) Therein lies the problem, my friend.
With the new fancy changes, 'new ideas for improvement' isn't supposed to be what i should be doing. And the idea of sitting here from 10 - 5 twiddling my thumbs is no longer appealing, even remotely.
Strange thoughts have been cropping up in this idle-mind-which-is-a-devils-workshop lately.
Like:
- I wonder what it feels like to actually have work to do
- Should i abandon my no work but all pay job and look for something else?
- Does Buffy the Vampire Slayer still run on TV?
- I wonder what it feels like to actually have work to do

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I'm back !!!!

And still sick :(
And it hasn't yet sunk in that I'm back from Bombay. Got back yesterday morning. But this morning, i forgot i was back in SIN. So i didn't get up. Then i got up and wasn't feeling well, so i went back to sleep. That makes it 2 days in a row I've been late to work. This could be the beginning of a trend, in fact i hope it is.
The being sick isn't helping. I'm not sick enough that i can take leave and stay at home in bed all day, but sick enough that its getting annoying. I hate having a cold - break my hand and i can come to terms with it, but a cold i cannot live with.
Spent my whole holiday back home with a fever and almost no voice - no way to have a good birthday - or as someone said the other day - I've spent half ** a century on this planet now. That does put things in perspective

----Update--
Ooops.. My bad.. she said quarter century, i think in my excitement of typing i wrote half instead of quarter... it may have been because i was wasted, or it may have been because half has lesser letters to type out than quarter.. Thanks Lateralus

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Something is very wrong with the world this week...

....My world that is
Other than the continuing financial crisis and investment banks rolling over sooner than you can say Bazoookaaa!!! (word for the week?)
(every one wants to join in before this goes outta fashion it seems)

Okie, to get back on track...so other than the money matters and the mild powder being bad because the Chinese didn't know they were poisoning us (or did they?)... i sent out 35 e-mails at work yesterday (notice how i broke it in very subtly)
It would be the most productive day of my employment - not since my imprisonment in logistics where i had to work 25-hour days have i done this much of work without even realising it.
You can understand the enormity of this situation when you realise that most days i average at about 10 mails a day - OK, OK.. actually there are some days i send only 1 or 2 e-mails
So 35 is a whoppingly big number... this overshadows Lehman Brothers problems even...
As president of the lazy club (yes Lateralus, i made myself president while you were busy working) this is a serious issue which is turning my productivity Topsy-turvy (Topsy-turvy was runner up for word of the week)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAnnndddd just when you thought it couldn't get any worse than this... its been only 2 hours at work today and I've already sent 20 e-mails out already. At this rate, this is going to be an even more productive day than yesterday (Holy atomic pile, Batman!!!)
Don't worry Mom, I'm not over exerting myself or any fancy jazz like that.. in fact, i didn't even know what a day yesterday was until i came to work today.

But ..but... transitioning from being someone who comes late to work at 9:15 and is done for the day by 10:00 am, and spends the rest of the day with puzzles, facebook and novels (Yes, I've started reading novels at work... unashamedly... not online, but paperbacks.. One of the perks of being manager i call it..) to now being someone who doesn't even realise that I'm putting in so much work in a day they're likely to create a character for me on Heroes... well the transition has strangely not been realised by me at all. But. It will be rebelled against..
A "Change We Can Believe In" ?? I think not.

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Just another Manic Tuesday...

Ok, this is now officially one of those weird weeks that I just barely float through.
I took the wrong elevator to the office today and then unknowingly got off on the wrong floor. Then i decided to walk it to my floor only I walked in the wrong direction.. So instead of going down I went up.
Then realisation dawned upon me and I turned around and walked down.. And only then realised that I was on the correct elevator before I just hadn't pressed the button for the 10th floor

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how this Tuesday is going to be

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Monday Morning Blues?

I am not someone who ever has Monday blues… not that I like coming to work everyday, but Monday is not given any special status in my book of life.. I don’t like waking up every morning, regardless of the day of the week (OK, OK, except Saturdays and Sundays when the day begins by 3 noon)
But this is one of those days that are just not getting over. I feel like I've been here at this desk a week at least - at a stretch
All I have to do today that should really matter is write up minutes of my meetings in Malaysia last week. But NO, I can't for the life of me be bothered to get it done with right now.. Which means I'll start at 5:20 and try and rush thru it so I can be out the door by 5:30. Oh well, its all about managing expectations - and I CANNOT be expected to care.

My only contribution to this day is the below "poem"
"I'm here I'm there I'm everywhere
but home in bed is where i want to be"
Which I might add, I think is worthy of the Whatsitcalled award that poets get. And Mr. D'souza, I do not like your comments on making me think!!!

Also, I found this on one of those sites on How to Beat the Monday Morning Blues (altho it is 3 in the afternoon here now)
"Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling miserable on Monday morning. There are millions of folks out there feeling the same way."
No. comfort doesn't help. Although my bed might.

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Proof that the Real Estate and Property prices in Singapore are really high

Now you know property is really scarce in Singapore when you see something like this:

Me: So wassup. How are things?
Mr. Slim: Not too bad, but my boss is resigning.
Me: (dramatically) Oh!! How come
Mr. Slim: He found greener patches somewhere


Not pastures, no no. Not in SIN. They can only accommodate patches now

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How NOT to serenade a woman

In between this very hard working week, there's a plan for an office party this weekend; with events and all that jazz ("All that jazz" is the word/phrase of the week)
and someone wants to sing a song.. and wants me to sit in front of him for inspiration..

Song in question:
Michael Learns to Rock: That's why you go away.
There was a reason i forgot about that band 5 mins after i heard it the first time. Kill me. Kill me now

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This is what i get paid to do at work...AND.. Word of the week

My word for this week is "Quick".. like Quick lunch, or quick nap or quick bite..Its a huge challenge cause nothing that i do is quick.. Quick is not a word that has or can ever be associated with me.. but the Gods (me) have spoken and QUICK is the word of this week

Also, while on the quick topic - here is a short snippet of how i spend my valuable time at work.. i guess the company doesn't know they're paying me for my time spent at these conversations.

Mala [11:04 AM]:
where are we having lunch?

Killemall [11:04 AM]:
PSA
I need to have a quick lunch today

Mala [11:04 AM]:
ok

Killemall [11:04 AM]:
btw, in case you didn't know
quick is my word for the week

Mala [11:04 AM]:
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Killemall [11:04 AM]:
it was selected randomly among 40 other applicants for the position

Mala [11:05 AM]:
can we remove quick to replace it with long??

Killemall [11:05 AM]:
well, its not fair to QUICK then cause it fought tooth and nail to get where it did
but if you want long
then we'll have to do it on the sly without quick knowing

Mala [11:05 AM]:
i don't really think quick has teeth or nails...

Mala [11:06 AM]:
ok
lets do that

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Keep your eyes open and your mind alert. Goodnight

its 9:25 on a Friday morning. I walked in to work 10 mins ago, and I'm already done for the day. Sometimes i have the fact that i'm so efficient.
what in God's holy earth am i supposed to do the rest of the day now.
There's only that much you can do on facebook, and text twist and messenger and the Internet.
Sleeping at 4 in the morning for 2 days in a row isn't helping either. i look like i'm still in bed.

I need to arrange my face now, so it looks like i'm awake

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